


Hidden

by markleesfreckle



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Awkward Park Jisung (NCT), Boys Kissing, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Domestic Violence, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Park Jisung (NCT) is Whipped, Park Jisung (NCT)-centric, References to Depression, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:47:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26428099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markleesfreckle/pseuds/markleesfreckle
Summary: what happens when a panicked chenle discovers jisung, beaten half to death in an alley way, only to figure out his own brother was responsible.will add trigger warning to a chapter when needed,started 05/27/2020
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Kudos: 23





	1. brontide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> brontide;  
> (n.) the low rumble of distant thunder

jisung stepped out of the school, taking in the smell of the fresh rain. knowing he had brought no umbrella, he sighed out heavily and began to take his daily route home. jisung silently praised himself for constantly wearing his dirty black hoodie and beanie, giving him some protection from the harsh rain. although, he had always enjoyed rain. there was something about rain that was remarkably peaceful. maybe it was the petrichor smell or the sound of rain splashing against the ground, or maybe it was watching each individual raindrop fall.  
it just made the boy feel peaceful.  
as jisung made his way around a familiar corner, he had begun to pick up his pace. jisungs neighbourhood definitely wasn’t the safest in neo city. in fact, gangs, murder, kidnappings, and rape weren’t an uncommon occurrence. you would think residents would try to get police involved but one had to be stupid to think that they would truly help or you wouldn’t get jumped or even killed for being a goddamn snitch. having lived in this neighbourhood for 17 years, jisung found it easy to avoid and hide from any trouble. that’s why he was moving along the sidewalk in an almost jog, hiding his face in his oversized hoodie, desperate to get home faster. unfortunately, sometimes it’s just not that easy.


	2. thantophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thantophobia;  
> (n.) the phobia of losing someone you love.

an abrasive tug of jisungs hood caused the boy to harshly fall back onto the pavement, winding the shit out of him resulting in him brokenly coughing out his lungs.

“awehhh hey sungie!”

shocked by the familiar voice, jisung raised his head so quickly he could’ve swore it gave him whiplash but it was quickly ignored when his eyes settled on the one and only zhong fucking kang. you see, there were many things wrong with zhong kang.  
first, he was a complete fuck tard. it was perfectly clear to jisung why no one likes him but secondly, he’s a manipulative shit who conned his older brother not long ago. 

“are you not going to say hi back? i thought we were hyungs...”

it physically disgusted jisung to see the man in front of him, his blood immediately starting to boil anytime he looked at kang in the eyes.

“hyungs my fucking ass,”

jisung spat at the elder above him, hoping kang would hear the hatred in his words.

“you’re an adorable little thing, aren’t ya?”

wow, such sweet words said with such a malevolent tone. 

“stop acting as if you’re a fucking king, kang. why the fuck are you even here?”

jisung continued to stare into kang’s bored eyes, trying his best to show he wasn’t scared but in reality, his hands were violently trembling against the pavement.

“baby jisung wants to know why i’m here? i’ll let you decide that on your own little one,”

it was apparent to jisung why kang had dragged him into the alley when he began to kick the boy in the stomach.   
it was also clear that kang was going to take no mercy on jisung. knowing he couldn’t defend himself against the elder, jisung shrivelled into a ball, making it so kang had less of his body to injure. kang continued to ruthlessly kick and punch at the boy below him, each hit filled with more and more anger. it wasn’t long before jisung started to lose consciousness, his body in complete shock from the sickening pain.   
before jisung could completely black out, kang slapped the boy's face so hard that it hurt his own hand then proceeded to grab jisungs fucked up face, turning it so the younger could look at him straight in the eyes. 

“the only reason i haven’t killed you sungie is so that you can go tell that big buff brother of yours to pay me the fuck back. next time though, i won’t hesitate to put a fucking bullet through your thick skull.”

with a malicious smile plastered on his face, kang stood up wiping jisungs blood on his pants. he then turned, mercilessly walking away, leaving now unconscious jisung behind to slowly bleed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, i've already been posting this story on wattpad if you want to check it out. ao3 is better anyways though. im just here to say that the chapters will get longer after this one, i was just taking it slow at first<3


	3. whelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whelve;  
> (v.) to bury something deep; to hide.

(inner thoughts in italic)

-flashback-

without warning, jaemin slammed his tray against the table in obvious anger. the 6 boys, collectively decided silently to ignore jaemins little fit, knowing it would probably be something dramatic and over-exaggerated.

"are none of you going to ask what's wrong?"

jaemin huffed out, now even more angry from his friend's lack of care. 

"look, it's not that i'm saying that we don't care but... that's exactly what i'm saying,"

leave it to donghyuck to be honest.

"be less harsh hyuck.. what's gone wrong this time, jaemin?"

mark asked, trying to hide the slight annoyance in his voice.

"the cafeteria lady bitch gave me strawberry jelly when i specifically asked for lime!! it's like she knows i fucking hate strawberry and is out to get me!"

jaemin exclaimed, raising his voice with frustration.

"le gasp!!! poor jaemin, the world is just crumbling down!!"

jisung let out sarcastically, earning a hard slap from jaemin on the arm. 

"what the fuck! was that really necessary? it's jelly jaemin."

"YEAH!! jelly i've been looking forward to all fucking month,"

the two continued to ramble on, entertaining the rest of the boys around them. not long after, the bell had rung for 3rd period, interrupting jaemin and jisungs useless argument on whether lime or cherry jelly is better. 

"oh yeah, you two have a spare this period now, right?"

jeno curiously asked, turning toward chenle and jisung. jisung had almost forgot it was the first day of semester two, his whole schedule being changed. luckily, he had scored a spare right after lunch so he could do jack shit for an hour. although, it was also new information to the boy that chenle shared the same spare.

"i guess we do then?"

chenle answered but it sounded as if he were asking a question, also unaware of the shared period together. 

great, jisung thought, knowing shit was about to get extremely awkward.

"alright we gotta get to our classes now, have fun you lucky boys!!"

jeno exclaimed, turning around starting toward math class which he shared with renjun and jaemin. mark and donghyuck left soon after, heading to gym they also conveniently had together.

jisung let out a quiet sigh, already longing for period 4. he really didn't mind spending his spare with chenle but he was fully aware of how awkward their time was going to be together. before shit started to happen between their brothers, the two boys used to be stuck at each other's hip but their relationship quickly went down the drain due to their ignorant brothers. it was nothing they could really prevent from happening as they were forced to side with their own brother. 

now one would understand why jisung is praying for the sweet sound of the ringing bell for period 4. much to his dismay though, only 2 minutes have passed.

"uh,, i didn't know we had a spare together,"

chenle said shyly, rubbing his hand along the nape of his neck in habit. 

"look chenle, we don't have to awkwardly small talk for the next hour. I've already got some homework from math this morning that i need to work on so uhm, bye."

shit, that was too harsh, jisung thought to himself after seeing the slight hurt in chenle's face. afraid of chenles reaction, jisung turned around quickly and started toward the cafeteria doors. before he could escape, chenle grabbed his wrist quite harshly, yet jisung didn't pull away from the youngers grip.

"jisung.. what happened to us? we can't even fucking talk to each other anymore,"

chenle paused for a second to breath before continuing.

"we were best friends."

no shit sherlock, jisung thought

"ever since... that stuff happened, i've felt so fucking alone, jisung. you were the only person i felt normal around, the one i could go to no matter what but i don't even have that anymore. i cant stand this, jisung. i'm trying so fucking hard to keep it together, just for our fucking piece of shit brothers but i cant stand this awkwardness, this small talk, this distance! you were fucking everything to me!"

a solemn tear fell down chenles puffy cheek as he attempted to calm down from his rant. 

jisung stood in front of the boy, completely dumbfounded from chenles words. they were in the middle of a cafeteria for gods sake, what was the boy supposed to say that would comfort or help chenle right now? jisung then said the first thing that came to his mind,

"i'm sorry, i cant do this right now,"

ripping his hand from chenles grip, he raced toward the door trying to conceal the hot tears welling at the corners of his eyes. he quickly reached the doors at the front of the school, forcefully opening them and began to run toward a patch of trees. jisung had been trying his best to push his feelings as far down as possible for the past few months, completely petrified on how they would affect him. the boy had never had good experiences when it came to expressing his feelings, so the best way for jisung to avoid it is to just not feel at all. although, the wall that jisung had spent months on building all came crashing down after hearing chenles weighty words. 

the boys back scraped against the dark wood of a willow tree as he sat down with his head buried in his knees. 

it hurts to feel. 

-end of flashback-

chenle walked toward the unrecognizable boy on the ground, lying in a thick pool of blood. as he continued to come closer to the body, he saw the fucked up face of his ex bestfriend.

"holy FUCK JISUNG!"

chenle cried out, immediately kneeling down beside jisung's beat up body. to see if the boy were still conscious, chenle decided to lightly shake the boy in front of him.

"jisung. jisung! jisung you are scaring the fuck out of me, GET UP. JISUNG!"

the younger began to scream out of pure fear for the boy. knowing jisung wasn't going to respond, he fumbled for the youngers phone, praying he still had the same password. out of the 10 years of being jisung's best friend, he knew the last thing he needed to do was the call the police and get them involved. 

corrupt motherfuckers, chenle thought to himself as he quickly typed in a password, the phone opening up to reveal jisungs home screen. 

with shaking hands, chenle pressed on the call button of the only person he knew would help. 

"jisung?"

the voice casually asked through the phone speakers.

"jaehyun. you need to get your fucking ass over here, i- im lying next to jisung right now and.. h- he's covered in blood and he was beaten up and i don't know what to do, oh god please come help, holy shit jaehyun he's n-not responding to me,"

chenle rambled on, terrified for the unresponsive boy lying in front of him. 

"fuck chenle, okay, you need to tell me where you are right now."

"i DONT FUCKING KNOW! i- im sorry i just.. we are in an alley way. i'm pretty sure it's on hidden view street,, yes. hidden view street."

chenle received no response from jaehyun as he ended the call, racing toward the location chenle had hastily given.

as one tear broke free from the youngers eyes, he began to completely break down. the sight of his ex best friend in front of him, unresponsive and covered in blood caused the lump in his throat to grow, urging chenle to scream out loud. the boy pressed his palm hard into the bloody pavement, bending forward on his knees till his head softly rested on jisungs. chenle felt as though he were suffocating with every breath he took, not knowing if he were crying out of fear, anger or sadness.

"CHENLE???"

a familiar voice screamed out, pulling chenle away from his inner thoughts.

"oh fucking god t- this is not good oh fuck,"

chenle turned around to see jaehyun running toward his brother, fully taking in the boys state. the elder quickly began to take action, picking up jisungs small body and raced toward his car parked down the street. 

"i swear to fucking god chenle, if you don't start moving your ass right now. i need your help getting him to the hospital,"

chenle felt as though jaehyuns words went in one ear and out the other, only realizing he needed to move as jisungs body was lifted from the pavement. the younger boy quickly stood on his feet, reaching for the keys in jaehyuns now bloody hands. as they approached the car, chenle forcefully opened the back door and moved out of the way for jaehyun to softly place jisungs body on the leather seats. 

the younger boy quickly climbed into the car and moved jisungs head onto his lap, hoping to give some comfort to the boy. not like he's conscious though... chenle considered, scaring himself with the thought. 

"did you see who did it?"

jaehyun asked the boy as he quickly turned on the car, and immediately raced toward the hospital. 

"what?"

chenle responded, too occupied by staring at jisungs swollen face. 

"did you see who beat up jisung?"

the elder raised his voice with anger.

"no. when i got there he- he was.. he was in the same state he is in right now." 

chenle answered, stumbling over his words as he recalled the sight of jisungs body laying in his own pool of blood. jaehyun didn't bother to further continue the conversation as they pulled into the hospital parking lot, finding a spot closest to the main doors. 

after a lot of fumbling and panicking, the two boys walked into the hospital with an unconscious jisung, crying out for help.

it wasn't long before jisung was taken into the emergency room, doctor's hastily working on the boy. unfortunately, jaehyun and chenle were seated in the foyer, left to anxiously await news on jisung's state. 

"jaehyun, please don't tell jisung i was the one to find him."

the younger spoke up, standing up to leave. before jaehyun could comprehend and respond to the boy's words, chenle had reached the hospital doors, leaving without knowing if jisung was going to be okay or not.


	4. aspectabund

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aspectabund;  
> (adj.) letting or being able to let expressive emotion show easily through one's face and eyes.

t/w domestic abuse.

-flashback-

jisung slowly stepped into chenles house, taking in the view of the massive space before him. the boy had seen this house hundreds of times in his life but it never failed to take his breath away everytime. there was something about the tall ceilings, white modern walls and diamond chandeliers that made jisung both fascinated and jealous at the same time. 

"hey bro, you finally came after a full ass hour,"

chenle spoke above him as the elder untied his converse, placing them to the side.

"sorry about that, jaehyun couldn't give me a ride so i had to take the bus,"

jisung replies, finally standing up to give chenle a hug.

"what?! jisung, you know how fucking dangerous the bus can be. you could've told me and i would've come to pick you up"

"nah it's all good, i didn't want to be a hassle. plus, it wasn't that bad. im here now, right?"

as the two were bickering back and forth, mrs. zhong made her way over to the boys to greet jisung.

"jisung! it's so nice to see you again love!"

the woman said enthusiastically, wrapping her arms around the tall boy.

"hey mrs.zhong. how have you been?"

jisung asked as he returned the cold hug. the boys eyes met with chenles for a few seconds, seeing the angry expression instantly.

"oh just great! you should come over more often, you are often missed here!"

mrs.zhong exclaimed with a bright smile on her face, revealing some of her wrinkles. before jisung could reply to the elder, chenle grabbed the boys wrist, pulling him toward the stairs.

"sorry mother, jisung and i have got some homework to complete,"

chenle hastily lied to his mother, dragging jisung to his room as fast as he could. as soon as the door shut to chenles room, jisung spoke up.

"i'm sorry, your mother is so fucking hard to deal with sometimes."

instead of chenle responding, the younger stepped forward so he was facing jisung and rested his head on his shoulder. it was clear to the elder that chenle did not want to talk right now but just wanted to be comforted. jisung wrapped in long arms around chenle, pulling him into a tight hug. 

there was one thing jisung knew to do when chenle was upset and it was hug the boy as tight as he could. a tight hug between the two has always been a way of assuring that everything will be okay and showing that you are always there for the other without the need of using words. 

as jisungs arms started to numb from holding the boy so tightly, chenle decided to raise his head to meet jisungs eyes.

"am i worthless, jisung? i swear that woman will never shut up about how i'm absolutely nothing to her. that i am nothing to anyone. i just... i don't know how to deal with it sometimes."

chenle stared into the elders eyes as he said the words he'd been wanting to say for weeks.

"chenle... your mother's words are the only thing that is worthless. you mean so much to me, to jaemin, jeno, renjun, haechan, mark and heck, even jaehyun tells me how much he cares for you. i know that what i say may not change how your mother will continue to treat you but i just want you to know that you mean the fucking world to me. you always have and will. no matter what the selfish mother of yours says about you, i will ALWAYS be here,"

jisung wanted so badly for chenle to understand that his mother's words are complete bullshit. but he knew how much chenle is constantly affected by her, anyone would be if they were to be verbally abused everyday of their lives. 

"thank you, jisung."

it relieved chenle to know he always had someone there for him, knowing that no matter what his mother said, jisung would never leave him. chenle buried his face into the elders chest, silently asking for another tight hug.

-end of flashback-

chenle thought back on the sweet memory with his old best friend, realizing the amount of bullshit that had come out of jisungs mouth. the boy would've never imagined how much this would hurt. every laugh, every late night talk, every hug, it all meant nothing.

"son, get out."

a stern voice spoke from outside of the closet. chenle decided to ignore the voice, hoping they would just leave.

"don't think i don't know you're in there. get the fuck out."

the silence only continued, feeding into the males anger. the closet began to shake as the male failed to open the locked door. as the minutes passed, the shaking became more and more aggressive while chenle sat silently, trembling uncontrollably in fear. when the boy finally thought the male had given up, the door popped out to reveal his father. 

how the fuck-

chenles thoughts were cut off as the elder gripped onto his shirt, throwing the boy onto the hard floor.

"you think you're smart huh? hiding from your horrible father."

the younger boy tried to stay nonchalant as his father hovered above him, threatening him with words filled with hatred.

"your mother's right. you're fucking useless."

"i wish you were never fucking born"

"how did i end up with a fag son?"

"do you know how much of a burden you are?"

"no fucking wonder jisung dropped you."

this was a normal routine for chenle. father finds chenle. father abuses chenle. each insult finished with a slap or punch, whatever his father is feeling in the moment. 

"so you're just gonna ignore me? you know what, i'm glad. your voice annoys me. your fucking presence annoys me."

could he say something more immature? he sounds like a fucking highschool bully at this point.

but he isn't. chenle can't escape his father the same way he could with a highschool bully.   
inevitable tears fell down the boys cheeks as his father effortlessly kicked him in the stomach. 

"don't cry too much tonight son, you'll need to save some tears for tomorrow,"

the elder explained, leaning down to kiss chenle on the forehead. the boy watched as his father, the one human who is supposed to love and support him unconditionally, leave the room. 

chenle began to laugh to himself. 

more fucking bullshit. it's all fucking bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really promise the chapters will get longer lol dont leave


	5. saudade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> saudade;  
> (n.) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; "the love that remains."

jisungs sensitive eyes slowly cracked open only to be closed again from the bright lights aggressively shining above him. 

"i'm in so much pain."

jisung said to himself, not knowing if anyone would hear. the boy wasn't stupid, he knew he was in the hospital. the familiar feeling of IV's, sound of the heart monitor, and the constant bright lights that wouldn't fucking dim made him immediately realize where he was. although, he had no clue why.

"holy fuck jisung, you scared me half to death,"

the voice he recognized as his brother, jaehyun, spoke up. jisung felt a hand slip into his, giving a reassuring squeeze.

"i'll go get the doctor real quick and we can explain everything after, okay?"

the younger boy hummed in response, too lazy to use his words. thousands of questions were running through jisungs head, not helping the massive headache he'd been feeling since he woke. 

"hello jisung, i'm dr. lee, i'll be taking care of you for the rest of your stay here."

jisung heard the doctor fumble through paper before he started to speak again.

"i'm sure you're in an immense amount of pain right now?"

the boy hummed in response once again, sending dr. lee to work toward taking away jisung's current misery and pain. as the doctor was giving jisung his needed prescriptions, he started to answer some of the questions jisung had been dying to hear.

"three days ago, your brother and one of your friends brought you to this hospital after you had been severely beaten up."

friend? beaten up?

"your body suffered some terrible trauma, including 3 broken ribs, a broken nose as well as internal bleeding in your stomach. luckily, we were able to get you into surgery to repair the haemorrhage before it could get any worse. in your case, if your friend hadn't found you at the time he did, i do not believe you would have made it."

shocked by all the sudden information, jisung closed his eyes, trying his best to process everything he had just heard. 

"i know you will need time to think about what you have just heard, this type of information can be extremely overwhelming for anyone. if you have any questions, have your brother come and fetch me. it was nice meeting you, jisung"

it was silent for a while after the doctor had left the room. jaehyun sat silently, waiting for his brother to speak up. the elder wanted to try his best not to make jisung anymore uncomfortable or stressed than he already is. it's a scary and overwhelming experience for both of them and jaehyun didn't want to risk making it any worse. 

"what friend?"

jisung finally spoke up, opening his eyes to look at jaehyun directly.

"what do you mean?"

the memory of chenle strictly asking jaehyun not to tell jisung that he had been the one to find him completely slipped his mind as he was more focused on his brother's state than anything. he had clearly forgot to mention this detail to the doctor, seeing as he specifically told jisung it were a friend who saved him. 

"i heard what the doctor said jaehyun, what friend found me?"

jaehyun was completely stumped on whether he should just lie or tell the truth to his brother. he didn't think he owed chenle anything, especially when he's got bad blood with his brother. he just hoped he was going making the right decision. 

"chenle."

the silence that once filled the room returned, causing jisungs sigh to be heard clearly. 

"i'm going to sleep."

the younger boy couldn't handle all the shit going through his head, especially with the amount of pain he's still suffering from. he tried his best to focus on nothing, hoping sleep could take over his uneasy and disoriented mind.

jisung had always loved sleep. it reminded him he had at least some escape from all his fucked up emotions, even if they were portrayed in his dreams. it was better that way. 

he silently hoped he could fall asleep and never fucking wake up again. 

if only it were that easy.

-

"oh god, he looks like he went through hell and back"

"i swear to fucking god i will run over whoever did this to him."

very familiar voices met jisungs ears, causing him to wake from his slumber. it took him awhile till he could fully open his eyes, seeing as the lights were just as fucking bright as they were the last time he was awake. when the boys's vision had finally focused, he saw his 5 best friends standing at the front of his bed. it wasn't long before the room exploded with cries and screaming.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU FUCKING SCARED US JISUNG?"

jaemin cried out, reaching from jisungs hand which was still covered in black and purple bruises. 

"gentle please,"

jisung replied quietly, already knowing jaemin would start to smother him in affection, completely forgetting the boys current condition.

"jisung we could have fucking lost you,"

mark spoke out, tears brimming in the corner of his eyes. seeing mark on the urge of crying hurt jisung beyond belief as he'd never seen mark become so emotional. the boy's mind was so preoccupied with himself that he hadn't thought about how much this must've scared his friends too. 

i'm so fucking selfish

"im so sorry guys, i must've have really scared all of you. i didn't mean for this to happen."

the boy tried his best to comfort his frantic friends. jisung felt extremely guilty for having to put them through this.

i'm such a shitty friend. i don't deserve them.

"we love you so fucking much jisung. i know that you may be blaming yourself for what had happened but i want you to know it's none of your fault. i promise we will find the fucker who did this to you. we will always have your back jisung. you mean so much to us, really."

jisung felt as though renjun were reading his thoughts, seeing as he said everything he needed to hear at this moment. the boy looked at his friends before him, noticing a short blonde, one he hadn't seen before, hiding behind jeno. 

"i want to speak to chenle,"

jisung wasn't going to bullshit their friendship anymore. he needed to know why chenle was there that night. why he decided to save him.  
the 5 other boys didn't complain, stepping out of the room to give the two space. it was clear chenle was not going to be the first to speak so jisung simply asked,

"how did you find me?"

chenle decided to act dumbfounded, hoping jisung would drop it. but he knew jisung. he wasn't going to drop it.

"i'm not sure what you mean, jisung"

the younger tried so hard to not snap at chenle, to not emotionally manipulate the boy into answering. but, jisung knew that would never be the right way to handle this situation. 

"jaehyun told me you were the one to find me. i'm seriously asking you nicely not to lie to me anymore. please, i need some answers."

chenle silently cursed jaehyun, he should've fucking knew that snitch would never keep a secret. then again, it made total sense to chenle why jaehyun would tell his own brother who had found him, especially in that situation. 

"uhm, i was in the neighborhood. i-"

the elder collected himself quietly, resentful toward what he had to say next. 

"i found you in an alleyway. you were already h-hurt by then. i'm sorry i didn't see who did it. i'm sorry i didn't find you sooner. i'm so sorry jisung." 

jisung stared at the boy before him, wondering what to ask next.

"what do you mean you were in the neighbourhood?"

"i really don't want to talk about it, jisung. please."

jisung could see the pain in chenle's face as they talked, tears slowly brewing in the elders eyes. even though they weren't friends anymore, jisung knew better than to push chenle for answers. no matter how much he wanted answers at the moment, he knew it wasn't the time. he also didn't want to see chenle cry, ever. 

"ok, that's alright. we can talk about it later."

it pained chenle to hear those words come from jisung. whether the younger knew it or not, it silently showed that he still cared. that he's still able to read chenles emotions. 

the elder turned to exit the room, not knowing how to handle this situation any further.

"thank you."

jisung mumbled, hoping chenle heard his quiet gratitude. it was clear he did when the boy nodded his head toward jisung, finally stepping out of the room. 

it's only gonna get worse, isn't it?


	6. tacenda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tacena;  
> (n.) things better left unsaid; matters to be passed over in silence.

-flashback-

the little boy searched the playground with his bright eyes, taking in the scenery. he had been sitting away from the other kids his age, as he would much rather be running his hands through the fine sand in front of him. reverting his eyes back to his hand, he watched as the sand fell through the small cracks of his fingers. 

the boy had seemed to be so infatuated by the scene in front of him, he hadn't noticed a figure quietly sit down across from him. 

"hey there!"

completely caught off guard and dumbfounded, the little boy struggled to form a response in time.

"oh i'm sorry if i scared ya. i'll introduce myself first. i'm zhong kang, nice to meet you!"

kang held his hand out for the boy, who hesitantly shook it after awhile. 

"i'm jung jaehyun,"

the boy offered with a small smile, putting his hand back into the warm sand. 

"i hope you don't mind me sitting here. it's calming over here,"

jaehyun agreed with a hmm, eyes still fixated on his hand and the sand as he tried his best to avoid eye contact. it had always been hard for the boy to communicate with others, though he never fully understood why. he completely envied people like the boy in front of him, being able to walk up to any stranger and introduce themselves. 

"usually i'm not the type to enjoy sand. it's rough and irritating, goes everywhere and sticks to everything,"

"but here, it's smooth. and soft."

kang expresses to jaehyun, hoping to gain a response from him. he knew he failed when the boy gave him another hmm seconds later. 

"what school do you go to?"

the boy asked eagerly.

"um, hanlim arts school."

"wait really? i go there too!! i cant believe i've never seen you before. i had swore i knew everyone."

jaehyun looked to the side, trying his best not to look embarrassed.

"well i technically don't go there yet. i just moved here."

"ohh that makes more sense."

the conversation died out as they both continued to run their hands through the smooth sand. jaehyun tried his best to calm his nerves from the awkward silence, as he absolutely detested quietness. kang seemed to catch onto jaehyun's discomfort as he said,

"well i'll make to say hi to you if i see you around. it was nice meeting you, jaehyun!"

"ok, it was nice meeting you too kang."

kang stood up waving goodbye which was completely ignored by the boy, running his hands through that fine fine sand.

-end of flashback-

"oh for fucks sake jisung, we aren't in a rush. please be careful."

jaehyun cursed out as he supported jisungs weight with both his arms. he was trying his best to lead the younger into the wheelchair, but jisung was trying his best to make it hard for him. 

"look, i don't need your help jaehyun. i can get into a wheelchair by myself."

"clearly you can't as you almost fell straight on your ass a few seconds ago"

jisung only grumbled out of frustration, just wanting to get out of this goddamn hospital.   
he placed his hands on the arm rest of the wheelchair, slowly lowering his body into the seat. the boy winced from the slight pain in his stomach but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. the pain meds helped too. 

jaehyun began to push jisung out the door as a nurse called out to them,

"i hope you heal well at home jisung!"

the woman said with a gentle smile on her small face. it painfully reminded jisung of his mother. 

as the two boys made their way to the exit, jisung was hit with his first breath of fresh air in 2 weeks. throughout his time at the hospital, jisung had noticed how many things he had been taking for granted. the boy found himself missing simple things like picking grass off the ground with your fingers or taking in the fresh smell of rain. but more than anything, he missed his friends. no matter how annoying they may be, they are his liable comfort people. 

jisung has missed so much, all thanks to that asshat kang. 

"alright, be careful for once. we can't afford you ripping open your stitches right as we are leaving the hospital,"

the elder said as they reached his run down truck. agreeing with his brother for once, jisung took his time getting up from the wheelchair into the truck. it took around five minutes but the younger was able to manoeuvre his way into his brothers truck. 

"we need to talk about it jisung."

jaehyun said as he started the car, pulling out of the parking spot.

"talk about what?"

jisung responded, acting as if he were dumbfounded. he knew this conversation was coming.

"i know you may not remember most of what happened but you know who did this to you. i know you decided to stay silent, hold it in so you can suffer all alone. i need to know who did this to you jisung, please. it fucking hurts to see you like this."

jaehyun was wrong, he remembered everything that had happened. during his time in the hospital, he was able to remember bit by bit until it was all in vivid detail. jisung had been contemplating with himself for over a week on whether he should tell jaehyun or not. kang had been tormenting him from the inside out, waiting to be told.

jisung was terrified. so fucking terrified for himself, for his brother. maybe it wouldn't hurt to just tell jaehyun. 

"ok. i'll tell you but i need you to think about it before you do something fucking stupid. i know what you're like and when i tell you what happened, i need you to please stay calm."

with a nod and a weird side look from jaehyun, jisung began to tell the older exactly what had happened. how kang pulled him into an alley on his way home, how he kicked and punched jisung ruthlessly. he told jaehyun the exact words that still horrified him to this day. 

"the only reason i haven't killed you sungie is so that you can go tell that big buff brother of yours to pay me the fuck back. next time though, i won't hesitate to put a fucking bullet through your thick skull."

the younger noticed how jaehyun's knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel in clear anger. 

"ok."

"ok?"

jisung wasn't expecting a whole essay of a response from jaehyun, but 'ok'?

"i'm going to drop you off at home and then i've got some things i've got to do,"

the elder spoke up after a long pause of silence.

"jaehyun i told you not to do anything stupid. was it useless telling you to stay calm?"

jisung started to become frustrated with his brother. the younger knew this was going to happen and he still told him.

"look jisung, there's a lot of shit you still don't know. i promise i won't do anything too stupid. please trust me."

the boy decided to stay quiet as nothing he could say would change jaehyun's mind. jisung knew it was his brother's fight too. 

the elder pulled into one of the apartments parking spots, hastily getting out of the truck to grab the wheelchair from the trunk. he opened jisung's door, slowly helping the boy down onto the ground and into the seat. 

the two remained silent as they made their way to their little run down apartment. jisung was glad to finally be home, even if 'home' was a bit lanky. 

"do you think you will be okay alone for a bit? i can ask jaemin to come over."

jaehyun asked as he helped relocate jisung from the wheelchair to the coach. 

not really wanting to speak, jisung shook his head. no matter how much he misses jaemin, he wanted to be alone right now.

"ok, i'll be back in an hour. i love you jisung."

"be safe please."

the boy heard the door softly click closed as his brother went off to do something he specifically told him not to do. jisung decided he was too tired to be frustrated anymore, letting sleep take over his mind in the most peaceful way.


	7. kalon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kalon;  
> (n.) beauty that is more than skin-deep.

jisung slowly opened his eyes, frustrated that his precious sleep was being interrupted by a loud ring coming from his phone. he aimlessly reached for the device on the table, answering the call.

“jisung?”

the familiar voice coming from the other end brought jisung to his full attention.

“jaemin?”

“hey sorry if it’s a bit early but, do you want to come watch the sunrise with me?”

this question didn’t surprise jisung in the slightest, the two often found themselves watching the sunrise together.

“hmmm yeah sure, you’re gonna have to come get me though. still in a wheelchair”

even though the boy really wanted to be asleep right now, seeing jaemin sounded a lot more exciting at the moment.

“alright i’m in the lobby, is your door unlocked?”

“uhm probably not, don’t you still have the spare key i gave you?”

“oh yeah it’s in my car, i’ll be up in a minute,”

with the call ending, the boy looked around the rundown apartment to see if jaehyun had come home yet. jisung couldn’t help but worry where his brother was at the moment, doing god knows what. there was no sign of anyone being in the apartment causing jisung to sigh to himself.

so much for saying he will only be gone for a bit.

jisung thought to himself as he sat silently on the couch awaiting for jaemins arrival. a soft click came from the door as it was opened to reveal jisung’s best friend.

“took you long enough,”

the younger exclaimed, holding out his hands for jaemin to grab and help him into the wheelchair.

“oh shush, you’re just being dramatic now,”

there were no more words exchanged between the two as jaemin helped the boy sit comfortably in the wheelchair. a comfortable silence was left in the air as they made their way through the hall and into the elevator. there seemed to be a collective agreement between the two boys that they didn’t want to talk until they were safe, watching the beautiful sunset in their spot. 

it didn’t take long to reach jaemins car, get jisung into the car and throw the wheelchair into the truck, both eager to reach their spot faster. as soon as the older placed himself in the drivers seat, he decided to turn on the radio, soft music filling the cars peaceful silence. 

jisung stared at the night sky, watching as it progressively got brighter as time went on. it was a weird thought but jisung was quite envious of the sky. it was persistent, never changing. those 24 hours that constantly pained jisung never went away. but in some way, it made the younger feel a bit safe. it was comfortable knowing that at least one thing in his life wouldn’t fool him, or change.

“what are you thinking about?”

jaemin spoke up, breaking jisung’s deep train of thought. it was clear to the older that jisung was getting too caught up in his mind, even as he paid attention to the road.

“the sky,”

“it’s pretty isn’t it, never ending.”

jisung hummed in response as he continued to intensely stare out of the car window. with the car slowing to a stop, jisung broke his stare to look at jaemin.

“tell me when we get there”

jaemin said as he turned off the ignition and stepping out the car to get the wheelchair. he knew full well jisung was begging to ask or tell him something. but that’s why they were here.

it took a while to get the both up the hill as jaemin had to push jisung, who admittedly wasn’t the lightest. the younger fussed and offered to just walk but was quickly shut down by jaemin with a wack to the head. the two sat silently on the hill, both taking in the scenery as they both clearly missed coming here so often.

their ‘spot’ was a little hill that overlooked a forest, just high enough to see the skyline. it had been a spot to many meaningful talks and memories, only becoming more memorable with the added sunrise. 

“i really missed you, jaemin.”

jisung said as he glanced over at his best friend who returned the look with a big smile.

“as you should,”

this statement only caused jisung to pout and hit the boy lightly next to him. 

“jisung, you don’t even know how much i fucking missed you. god i seriously thought i lost you there for a second. please never fucking do that again.”

jaemins smile had disappeared. he knew this whole situation wasn’t jisungs fault in the slightest but it didn’t stop jaemin from feeling frustrated and upset.

“i cant imagine how it must have felt for you guys, seeing me in that state. i’m really sorry jaemin, i didn’t mean for this to happen.”

jisung turned back to the view of the sky, too ashamed and saddened to look at jaemin in the eyes any longer. he felt so mad with himself, letting his friends feel scared or unhappy just because he’s a dumbass and got his ass beaten up. 

“jisung, talk to me. i know you have something on your mind,”

jaemin had also turned toward the sky, staring at the small bit of sun slowly creeping over the horizon.

“i just feel so trapped, jaemin. i feel as though i can’t get out of my own mind, or just life in general. even after all this shit, i'm convinced that nothing in my life has changed. i feel suffocated into doing the same thing everyday, and it’s so goddamn frustrating. i want to change and i want to do something about it but i can’t even fucking figure out what’s making me feel this way. i don’t have a terrible life, i really don’t. i have amazing friends and a brother who love and support me, i have a roof over my head. i’m able to go to school and enjoy it. i have so many privileges that others could only dream to have. yet i feel so   
alone, trapped within myself, unable to get out of this endless cycle that i can't seem to understand. i’m just frustrated with life and myself. i cant seem to get anything right for the fucking life of me,”

jisung finally let out the words he has been waiting to say for weeks, yet he couldn’t even put half of what he was feeling into words. the both stay in silence for a moment, jaemin trying to figure out how to respond to jisung.

“jisung, i completely understand what you’re trying to say. feeling as though you're trapped with no reason or not knowing why can be extremely frustrating and upsetting. in all honesty, you probably won’t be able to escape this feeling for a while. it will take time and you must be patient with yourself. try by making some small adjustments in your life, maybe dress up one day. or start watching a new tv show. try things that are new to you, it can be scary and intimidating at first, especially when you are used to the same cycle everyday. but i promise that it will get better over time. if you’re feeling eager or ready to make a bigger change, make those decisions your scared to make. and don’t tell me your don’t have any because you most definitely do. give yourself time and patience, and i will be here with you through it all. you know i will,”

jisung listened to the elder with complete attentiveness and respect, taking in every piece of advice he was giving. he was to specifically remember to make those decisions he’s scared to make. he just didn’t know where to start. 

“where do i start, hyung?”

jisung finally spared a look at the boy next to him, fully taking his features. he’d be lying to himself if he didn’t say jaemin was one of the most pretty boys he’s ever laid his eyes on. 

“wherever you want to. this is your world jisung, we are just living in it,”

the boy thanked jaemin with every bone in his body for always being there for him. he didn’t know where he’d be today without jaemin and his flawless advice.

“i love you so fucking much jaemin. i hope you know how much you mean to me. thank you.”

the younger wasn’t ashamed in the slightest to show his admiration toward his best friend. jaemin loved this part to jisung, it made him feel valid and loved.

“you know i’d do anything for you.”

the air was quickly filled with a tranquil silence as the two boys stared at the sunrise in front of them. the sky was completely breathtaking as millions of colours and hues blended together, reflecting off the few sparse fluffy clouds. the sun was only half risen but that didn’t stop from bright rays of light melting on both the boy's warm skin. the sunrise gave such feelings of peacefulness and possibility, knowing there’s a whole day ahead to do as you want. jisung felt so surreal in this moment, finally feeling some sliver of hope after weeks of thoughts of worthlessness and suffocation. 

the beautiful colours started to disappear from the sky, slightly disappointing jisung as it was brought to reality that this moment wasn’t going to last forever. 

“shall we go back now?”

jaemin questioned, earning a loud grown from jisung.

“do we really have to go back? to life?”

the younger replied with a saddened expression even though he already knew the answer to that question.

“unfortunately, yes. now let me help you up.”

jaemin tucked his arm under jisungs, giving him as much support as he could before lifting him off the damp grass.

“can we hang out with everyone today? it’s saturday after all,”

the younger looked at jaemin with the best puppy eyes he could give, ones which he knew the boy couldn’t resist.

“i guess we could work something out.”

-

“uhm i didn’t know chenle was coming…”

jisung whispered into jaemin’s ear as the rest of their friend group filed into the small apartment. 

“remember what i told you this morning, jisung.”

the elder responded with sternness causing jisung to shut his mouth and look away with embarrassment. he remembered vividly what jaemin had suggested to jisung, it replaying in his mind.

“make those decisions you're scared to make. and don’t tell me you don’t have any because you most definitely do.”

in attempt to shake off jaemin’s words, he decided to give his full attention to the 5 boys who had just entered the room. donghyuck was the first to speak,

“JISUNGGGGG BABY I MISSED YOU!! thank god you’re out of that disgusting hospital,”

the boy said while rolling his eyes, pissed off at the hospital for a reason jisung couldn’t decipher. the rest of the boys, besides chenle, continued to complain about how much they missed and were scared for the youngest. 

“well i’m here now and that’s all that matters,”

jisung found himself staring a certain blonde boy, stuck by renjun’s side while speaking. he quickly looked away as chenle began to shamelessly stare back, causing the younger to become a bit uncomfortable.

“so are we playing or what? we don’t have 7 controllers for nothing.”

the group of boys played mario kart for which felt like ten hours, stopping for short breaks to eat or to just chat. it was no surprise to the boys when jisung had won almost every game they played but it didn’t stop them from complaining about the youngest’s natural gaming skills. 

it was around 11pm when everyone decided to pack up and head home, promising to come back and hang out with jisung tomorrow. just after everyone had said their goodbyes, jisung had noticed he hadn’t seen or said goodbye to a certain blonde. he assumed the boy must have slipped out earlier to avoid confrontation or talking to jisung in general. jisung’s assumption was proven wrong when he heard some sniffles behind the bathroom door, only for it to be opened revealing chenle. his eyes were clearly swollen and his nose wore a bright red color. the two connected eyes, quite awkwardly, before chenle spoke up,

“where did everyone go??”

the boy turned is head slightly to the side in confusion, waiting for jisung to answer. jisung could’ve swore his heart fluttered slightly to chenles action, but quickly decided to ignore it.

“they apparently all got tired from playing mario kart for too long so they left,”

jisung paid attention to chenle fidgeting roughly with his fingers, a habit that jisung knew the elder did when he was uncomfortable or anxious.

“ah okay, i’m pretty tired too so i’ll just leave now then..”

jisung watched as the small boy began to gather his things quickly, clearly in a rush to leave. the younger couldn’t help but hear jaemin’s word’s scream loudly in his head, unable to tone them out.

“make those decisions you're scared to make. and don’t tell me you don’t have any because you most definitely do.”

jisung closed his eyes in frustration, trying to decide whether he should confront his fears or not. just as chenle was about to open the door, a wave of confidence washed over jisung causing him to call out to chenle.

“chenle, wait.”

the elder stopped immediately, turning around the look jisung in the eyes. there was something in the way that chenle looked at the boy. he couldn’t tell if it were out of sadness or fear. 

“i ne- i mean, uh, we need to talk,”

chenle decided to not argue with jisung, walking over to sit on the rough couch, opposite of jisung. he failed the urge to fidget with his fingers, pulling at the side of his fingernails in clear anxiousness. 

“i agree,”

the elder finally responded, silently preparing himself for the conversation he had been avoiding for weeks.

“chenle,”

jisung said his name with such care and caution, it almost made chenle hostile toward him. almost.

“i really don’t want this conversation to be uncomfortable or uneasy for you. i want you to know that i still care for you and i’m always willing to be patient with you. please take your time, and don’t feel too pressured to answer.”

chenle simply stared back at jisung while mentally rolling his eyes. it was quite hypocritical of the boy, seeing as he wouldn't even bother to hear chenle out as he cried and pleaded in front of the whole cafeteria just a few weeks ago. chenle decided he didn’t want to make this anymore more awkward or unpleasant than it already is, so he nodded a few times, showing he understood jisung.

“okay uhm, why were you there that day?”

of course jisung asked the hardest question first. chenle took a deep breath, continuing to pick at his fingernails. 

“this isn’t going to be a simple answer. i need you to please, PLEASE, not hate me after i tell you this, if you don’t already hate me. you also cannot under any circumstances tell anyone about this.”

jisung only looked at the elder with confusion in his eyes, slightly scared with what chenle is about to reveal to jisung. 

“do you understand?”

the elder repeated, making sure jisung knew what chenle was asking of him. the younger quickly nodded, so chenle shifted in his spot to become a little bit more comfortable. this caused chenles sweats to rise a bit, revealing a few purple and blue spots sprinkled across his skin.  
this wouldn’t go unnoticed by jisung.

“well, uhm i'm not sure if you remember but you know how i was questioning my sexuality?”

jisung nodded once again, curious to where chenle was going with this.

“uhm so i wasn’t in the greatest mindset a few weeks ago so i felt like doing something rebellious, something new. and i had a great idea of going to do.. stuff with a boy. so i met a guy on tinder who wanted the same as me so i just said fuck it. this boy just so happened to live in the same area where i found you. i was on my way to meet up with him until i found-“

chenle chokes on his words, finding it hard to recount the events of that night. jisung could clearly see the boy was struggling so he decided to speak up.

“i think i understand. are you fucking dumb chenle????”

the elder was completely taken aback from jisung’s tone causing him to press harder into the side of his fingernail in fear. he didn’t notice the blood now trailing down the side of his finger from his constant picking.

“wait, i didn’t mean it in that way it’s just.. you could’ve been assaulted or raped! or even killed! chenle, you know how dangerous it is around here and you still decided to take that risk, knowing full well what you were getting yourself into!”

chenle could tell jisung was frustrated with him, which doesn’t happen quite often. the elder felt his anxiety build up inside him, starting to eat him from the inside. just one tick in the wrong way and chenle wouldn’t be able to control himself any longer. 

“i can’t believe this. i’m not mad with you chenle, i think it’s great that you wanted to figure how you feel towards boys but why in such a dangerous way?!”

the blonde haired boy could only stare back at jisung, unable to speak, afraid he would start to break down. he looked down at his hands and began to rub them together, trying to get rid of the sweat that was starting to form. he felt his stomach and chest begin to tighten in the most uncomfortable way, causing chenle to cringe. chenle knew exactly what was about to happen and he didn’t want jisung to see any bit of it.

chenle thought he could get out easily, seeing as jisung can barely walk on his own yet so the blonde quickly stood up, heading toward the apartment door. just as he was about to reach for the doorknob, he felt a strong pair of arms wrap around his torso, preventing him from leaving.

“jisung please, just let me leave. i-i’ve t-told you everyt-thing,”

chenle was finding it hard to keep his voice steady as he felt his anxiety wash over his body, unable to stop the tears welling at the corner of his eyes.

“it’s okay chenle. let it out.”

just with a few words, chenle began to fall to his knees. he tried to fold in on himself but jisungs strong grip kept his back pressed against his chest. 

“breathe chenle. breathe.”

the elder hadn’t noticed he wasn’t breathing. he tried, he tried so hard to breathe but the tightness of his throat caused him to start wheezing, desperate for air. out of fear, chenle started to hysterically cry and violently shake against jisungs body. 

“i’m right here for you chenle, you aren’t alone. you are safe.”

jisungs words only calmed chenle slightly as the boy still continued to gasp for air, shivering all over. the younger tried his best to hold chenle as tight as he could, knowing it could help with the anxiety. jisung could feel chenle relax against his chest, trying his very best to take control of his breathing.

“i’m so proud of you, just keep breathing.”

after 15 minutes of kneeling on the ground, chenle had finally got control of his own body, now able to breathe a lot easier than before. 

“i’m s-so sorry, jisung,”

the elder let out slowly with extreme guilt in his voice. 

“you have no reason to apologize, you did great.”

chenle hated jisung. hated the way that after all the shit that happened between them, he still cared so much. hated the way he was so kind toward him, even though he doesn’t have to be. hated the way he was so sympathetic and always knew what to say to the elder. 

the blonde felt jisung quietly hiss through his teeth as he loosened his grip around him. chenle quickly turned around to face jisung, looking down at his stomach to see fresh blood stain the boy's t-shirt. 

“jisung you dumbass,”

chenle said as he lifted jisung’s shirt just enough to see his bandages soaked with blood. without word, chenle put his arm under jisungs and walked him back to the couch where he can properly change his bandages. 

“did the doctors give you any new bandages before you left the hospital?”

“yeah, they should be in my backpack over there,”

jisung watched as chenle eagerly rummaged through his backpack before pulling out some fresh gauze and tape. 

“take off your shirt,”

the elder says shamelessly causing jisung to blush mildly, even though he knew chenle didn’t ask it in that way.

that’s kinda ho- no jisung. not now.

the younger began to reach for the ends of his shirt to pull up, only to stop half way through because of a sharp stinging pain in his stomach.

“i need help,”

with the help of chenle, they were able to take off jisung’s now blood stained shirt and toss it to the side. the blonde doesn’t hesitate to get to work, trying his best to mimic how the old bandages were put on. jisung found himself trying his best not to look down at chenle, ultimately failing when the blondes hand accidentally ran across jisungs stomach. from this angle, he was able to see the elders thick eyelashes bat against his skin, he could see the perfect arch of his nose, he could see how he furrowed in eyebrows as he worked on helping jisung. 

the younger was suddeningly hit with the reality of how much he missed chenle. it was true that the elder was a small ball of life, bringing happiness to everyone around him. it was so easy to love and trust chenle with all one's heart which, jisung admitted to be kinda scary.

chenle noticed jisung’s gaze baring into him but he didn’t bother to ruin the moment with his own social awkwardness. 

“i missed you,”

jisung spoke up, only noticing what he just said. he could feel chenle pause, continuing a few moments later.

“i did too, loser.”

the younger could barely hear it but when he registered what chenle had said, his stomach must have flipped at least 127 times.

before jisung could say anything again, chenle finished dressing the wound and stood up to go find jisung a clean shirt. when he came back, he helped jisung into the fabric, making sure it was comfortable and fit. 

“i have to go because my ride has been waiting outside for a while but, i’ll talk to you soon jisung?”

jisung admitted to himself that he was quite upset when he heard chenle had to leave but it was quickly forgotten when chenle mentioned talking again.

“thank you for everything chenle, i really owe you one.”

the younger thanked with a big smile on his face, causing chenle to grin back.

“i think it’s the other way around. now please rest, you need those stitches to heal.”

jisung only hummed in response, completely infatuated by chenles smile, one he hasn’t seen in months and truly missed.

“goodnight, jisung.”

“night, chenle”

and with that jisung was left alone in the apartment again. but for once, jisung didn’t feel as trapped.


End file.
